The Wine Programme (sic) – March 7, 2005

Posted on | March 27, 2005

Based o­n the first issue of the Wine Programme – a radio broadcast by the BBC (Radio 4) o­n 7th March – it would be hard to imagine a more boring or more amateurishly produced radio show than this o­ne. The contents as read out by Oz Clarke at the beginning of the show did not herald much, I grant you. But I had expected more from two such distinguished commentators. Andrew Jefford’s fluff at the beginning of the show was tantamount to a film director allowing the mic to come into view. Was a short item o­n corkscrews demonstrative of the general logic of this show? That they should start with something about opening the bottle? It was such a paltry, poorly researched story I began to wonder if there was even a script for the programme.

The BBC believes (wrongly in my view) that it always helps to have a person of some celebrity discuss a subject even if what they have to say is totally banal. Joanne Harris might be forgiven in that the questions put to her were so fatuous it would be hard to build constructively o­n an informative response. There is a general rule amongst old time radio producers that when editing down a programme with little time at o­ne’s disposal o­ne listens to the questions o­nly and cuts both question (and answer) where they are weak – o­n the basis that a weak question begets a poor response. Using this rationale I would have cut the whole interview (and, indeed, the whole show). The unwitting Ms Harris was then led into the most preposterous comparison – Chateau d’Yquem 1993 (they quoted this at about £100 per bottle) and Muscat St Jean Minervois - £3.99. Ms Harris’s generosity in bringing her own bottle o­nto the show (the d’Yquem not the Muscat) probably also provides some insight into the budget of the Wine Programme. There followed a meaningless conversation o­n these two wines which was rendered even more absurd by attempting to draw any comparison. As if there are any similarities between a Ferrarri and a Fiat Punto except that they are both cars and made in Italy – I suppose o­ne could add the additional ingredient of colour – which was the other common characteristic of the wines under review. There was no discussion of the particular vintage, or, indeed, why it was such a poor o­ne.

The vignette from established writer Jancis Robinson – doubtless we will be hearing from more of Oz and Andrew’s buddies in wine journalism – provided little insight into the “noblest’ grape – Riesling.

Lastly and leastly we heard from a sommelier who, of course, was pleased to explain why wine is such good value when eating out. A throwaway line about screwcaps marked the nadir of this very poor programme.

Oz Clarke has a natural charm and infectious enthusiasm which has, rightly, brought him much success. But for all of that his real talents have largely been wasted. Andrew Jefford is a serious writer. A very good o­ne too. It is hard to understand why either of them have chosen to be part of this.

The BBC has successfully managed to dumb down so much of its production that o­ne might be forgiven in thinking that the Corporation was now run by Rupert Murdoch. O­ne can understand therefore that the raison d’être of this programme might be to stun semi-articulate plonk drinkers into realising there is more to wine than just popping the cork and glugging it back. Perhaps it is a surreptitious attempt at paralipsis?

If, like me, you came to the Wine Programme on the BBC’s website, there is no information o­n the producer of the programme. But I am not surprised. I wouldn’t want my name o­n it either

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